Friday, January 18, 2013

Things that are weird about me...

Here is my narcisistic post where I imagine people give a shit about these things, but hey whatever, maybe you're secretly weird too, and you can imagine we have a secret weird kinship or something. 
(I'll try and keep this post a regular thing and by regular I mean this is probably the last time so enjoy.)
    1) I consistently choose the worst fucking line to go into for the tolls. There is some anti-mathematical chaos theory that conspires against me. I'm not kidding, there could be a line of 10 cars and I'll choose the line of 1 and it turns out to be the boother's long lost cousin Jeanine who only has 47,000 pennies and is lost. I also am to lazy to buy an EZ Pass; so maybe that's weirder?  PS. stop asking for fucking directions at the toll booth, its 2013 use your Iphone & take a hard left into a lake.

    "I can see your tits."
    2) I use way too much toilet paper...yes I just said that.  I dont really know why this happens?  I'm not making obscenely large bowel movements or anything, I just end up wrapping my hand up like a mummy in an ice storm and before I know it half the damn roll is gone.  I think your parents teach you how to wipe your ass, so fuck you very much mom, toilet paper is embarassing to buy at high frequencies or large quantities, especially as a woman.

    "Still not clean...still not clean..."
    "See ya bitches."
    3) Sometimes I just do not say hi to people I know.  I see you, I see you seeing me, then I just see some other shit & keep walking.  Just because we knew each other in college, met at the bar, or are biologically related does not mean I want to talk to you about that mutual friend neither one of us really talk to anymore, the weather, and then make a bunch of empty promises about how we'll definitely get together soon for tapas & sangria because "it has been way too long!".  This is actually sneaky genius, because next time you see me you will Definitely have no desire to say hello, thus relieving me of the burden of my own awesomeness.  I should probably work on this quality...