Friday, September 10, 2010

What do you wear when the season is changing? HELP

How to stay cool and look hot in funky weather :)
"Doesn't matter, I'm hot...this doesn't apply to you, seriously dont' try it, you will look like a bag lady" - Kate Moss

When can you start full out wearing your fall and/or summer wardrobe?  I'm terrible at season transitions and these fall-summer hybrid outfits are making me feel schizophrenic.
Like, what are the rules to incorporating warmer clothing/less clothing, do you slowly introduce a scarf here or daisy dukes there OR do you have to fullout switch?  Like one day you just walk outside and proclaim "FROM THIS DAY FORTH IT IS SUMMER MOTHERFUCKERS"(while quietly shivering in your flip flops as the person passing you in a puffer jacket stares skeptically).
"Let summer commence ya'll!"

What are the Summer to Fall/Winter to Spring no-no's???

Is it okay to combine a....
  • Sweater and Shorts?
  • Shorts and Boots?
  • Tank top, jeans, and boots?
  • Scarf and tank top?
  • Scarf and shorts?
  • etc.
Give me your input!

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Tan Mom

Desiree Dutra
  posted 30 Nov. 2009, 2:40 pm (5 moms have responded) 
I am a tanning bed junkie. I know it's horrible! I was wondering if anyone brings their kids/baby into the room when they tan? I was thinking of bringing my baby into the tanning bed room and facing him towards the wall and of course completley covered up by a blanket so no light gets in. I was wondering what other mom's think of this? 

Ok, let me get this want to bring your teeny itty bitty baby that is helpless and literally cannot roll over or clean its own shit into a dark room filled with penetrating ultraviolet rays, plop it down in a corner, hope it doesnt fall over like a humpty dumpty doll. Then just for safe measure - you want to throw a fucking blanket over the entire baby (because you really love it) in your swelteringly hot cancer motel while you take a 20 minute death nap and hope it doesnt suffocate???

Worst mom ever.  Everyone knows you need should only spray tan your baby.

Tan Mom's New Music Video. Yep, that's a thing that exists.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

RIP Lead LFO Guy :(

"Bugaloo shrimp and pogo sticks
My mind takes me back there oh so quick
Let you off the hook like my man Mr. Limpet
Think about that summer and I bug,cause I miss it
Like the color purple,macaroni and cheese,
Ruby red slippers and a bunch of trees
Call you up but whats the use
I like Kevin Bacon,but I hate Footloose"
      So sad!
LFO singer Rich Cronin, above middle, passed away Wednesday after a long fight with leukemia. He was just 35 years old! Best known for his hits Summer Girls and Girl On TV, Cronin was diagnosed with leukemia in 2005. He is said to have had a stroke on Wednesday, which he did not recover from. Friends such as Lance Bass and Chris Kirkpatrick first broke the news of the singer's tragic death on Facebook and Twitter.  Our condolences to Rich's family and friends!  His memory will not only live on in his music, though, but also in the Rich Cronin Hope Foundation he founded.
LFO OMFG why?! Rich, you were by far the hottest and most badass member of the 'Light Funky Ones'.  No one will ever replace your random lyrical prowess, old school boardwalk style, and unapologetic swagger.  I seriously wish I was older in 1999 so I could have been your A&F girl and banged you. RIP homie, I still pregame to Summer Girls and probs always will : /

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Ke$ha Smells like a Dirt Soda

POST SCRIPT 3 years later: This post makes me a huge jerk.  Making fun of actual people can be funny and make ourselves feel better, but it's overall just not nice.  So I would like to just state that on the record.  Kesha is probably a really nice girl & I was not being a very nice girl when I wrote this.  Now if you read it, you might not be a very good girl/boy either, but I will let you sort your own shit out.

Ke$ha is literally the bane of my existence. There is something so effing desperate and phony about this girl it makes me cringe, and yet I am strangely obsessed with her. How can this awk-ass bitch be so damn popular?? Like people genuinely like her horrible music and adolescent attention seeking antics. I can't stand it.

I like to watch videos of her years before any Hollywood makeup artists got their hands on her and pasted feathers and glitter all over her to distract the world from her true identity.   I'm gonna go drink a glass of wine and be wicked bitter over her mediocre skill set and mind-blowing success.

Be gone wannabe!

If your like myself and cant get enough Ke$ha bashing check these links:
Ke$ha performs @ high school talent show sans dead animal skulls and B.O.:

Ultimate Male Rating System

             Everybody knows that all men, including the fat dumpy ugly short hairy ones, think they have the legal right and obligation to judge every single woman and critique them down to the smallest details, despite their own obvious and offensive disgustingness.  Little do they know us women are just as ruthless and create a sport of doing the same thing to them, suck on that boys.  

You know when your walking through the bar and you see that table of hot girls pointing and laughing, and you quickly reassure yourself it can't possibly be about you because you're awesome?  You're wrong,  they are laughing at your entire existence. Today I thought I would share for you the simplest and most comprehensive rating system for judging all walks of men so you may do the same.
While in college my bitchy sorority friends and I would sit in the dining hall complaining about how ugly all the guys were at our school.  When the adjectives, gross, ugly, fat, poor, and weird became clearly not enough to express our contempt for the lack of major hotties we decided in a very scientific manner to create a male classification system, which I will illustrate for you today. 
Disclaimer:  This method is only viable for initial reactions only, all reactions are subject to mild reinterpretation once you get to know a guy.

Among the lowest rung of boyhood is what is what us women commonly refer to as:
The unmentionable is the grossest of the male species.  They are so nasty you wish you did not have to be punished with their presence, and are so pathetic and troubling to view in real life we distinguish them with a name that denotes our truest feelings - they are not even worth mentioning.  This is usually reserved for all fat short trolls who give no mind to their appearance or those men who are genetically cursed with asymmetrical faces and puny pathetic statures.  While it is sad and often beyond their control, these people do not exist.
Slightly higher are what we call:  1's
 Being a 1 means you are not insanely ugly or at all remotely good looking.  Basically you are nothing special.  I would talk to you in class if you were force-ably made to be my lab partner, but if I had my pick I would avoid you like an STD, and I would refuse outright if you ever tried to study with me outside of class.  Most men, sorry guys, fall into this category.
A 2 is basically the boy next door.  He probably lives down the hall from you in your dorm.  He is the quintessential guy friend.  A 2 is cute but never hot.  They may have a crush on you and you might go to parties with them but you do not want to bang them.  While they hold a wealth of secret male potential, you never go out of your way for a 2.  A 2 may have a great body and bad face or vice versa.  The question that distinguishes if he is a 2 or a 1 is very simple, if he asked you to hang out one on one, or go on a date, would you consider saying yes?  If you think you might even a little, he is definitely a 2.
The Sought After and Rare: 3
Admit it, you are not even finished reading this sentence and you have already thought about doing something nasty with these guys.  A man is a 3 when as soon as you see him you think skanky thoughts and know instantly you would break all of you non-slut rules if he asked you to hang out.  They are often athletes, business men, uniformed service officers, and down and dirty general laborers.  Basically your first instinct is to bang and procreate with these individuals.  If you see a guy and start feeling slutty, he's a 3.

The i-factor is the 1 and only card that may allow a guy to jump to a higher category.  This rating system is based on looks alone, but if a guy is a 1 or 2 and has some intangible interesting/musician/funny man type quality, he may attributed with an i-factor and is fair game to date, hang with, bang, whatever.  There's something fucking cool about this guy even though he's not a bona fide hottie. 

Important Note: this system also works in increments of .5's, for example, you can have a 1.5 meaning maybe you would go to the library to study with them, or a 2.5 i-factor which usually is the best combination possible for a boyfriend because they are hot enough to want to date but not so hot they already banged all your friends etc.