Friday, June 28, 2013

My Boyfriend sucks at texting

So basically my boyfriend and I are total opposites when it comes to the world of virtual communication (is that a term?). What I am trying to say is non face-to-face interaction; we're bad at it. 

There are several rational reasons for this, but it still drives me nuts.

  • He is 12 years older then me and thinks I live in a world of TTYLs and Justin Bieber Tiger Beat posters
  • He sort of lives on the fringe of society, doesn't cut his hair, not a giant facebooker, etc.
  • He is dude and is not highly emotive or overly loquacious; especially when it comes to things like 'texting'
  • If I had it my way he would hit me up 24/7 with sweet nothings and inside jokes (which in reality would probably drive me insane), so perhaps I am a bit skewed on what an acceptable amount of texting actually is.

Now before I make him look like a total prick and me like a psycho (the second assumption may be fair); I should preface the post by saying he is by far the coolest/nicest guy I have ever dated.  We live together so he sees me and has to deal with my B/S constantly, yet still grins and bears it, always appearing to listen - even if secretly he is thinking about pizza or something.  Because of this, I sort of grant him a reprieve when he sucks at texting, but I still need to rib him about it because I am sadistic like that.

"So I told Karen, I love dogs, but I just don't think I'm ready for that kind of responsibility"
"Yeah, Karen always does that to you (When the F!*K is she going to shut up?  I wonder if Karen is single?)"

To illustrate a common text-ual interaction between us I have copied one below:

(Introduction to what is going on: I am a little manic and got it in my head we should buy a lake house - which is ridiculous for several reasons, 1 - being I am 24 and broke, 2 - he is already building us a house we can't afford right now.  This is how the conversation begins.)

ME: "Ok Chris, I just emailed you 6 houses, one of which we shall purchase.  Please confirm receipt of this text so I know you are taking me seriously.  Also, my family is vacationing in that area next week so we go too and see all of them!"
(He is probably thinking - how exciting, we get to waste time looking at houses we can't afford and vacation with your parents!)

(....Time passes, no answer..but I had expected this -
I decide to text again....)
ME: "You Fail. F. For fail." (I am clever)

BOYFRIEND: "I'm working donkey." 
(I tell myself this is a term of endearment)

ME:  "All the poor people who call and text you between the hours of 8-5 must be so confused and worried about how you never answer, maybe we will get together and start a support group called "The Forgotten", except I have a feeling I will be the creator & sole member of said group - just a flat out lonely existence for poor old me."

BOYFRIEND: "Thank God you are not too dramatic."

ME: "Now that I have your attention, what are we doing/not doing tonight since I have to work tomorrow night and thus must maximize tonight's awesomeness potential."  (That is my underhanded way of complaining about how we don't go out enough)

BOYFRIEND: "Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz." (Seriously, that is what he texted me.)

ME: "Shooting virtual death rays at you with my brain."