Thursday, September 5, 2013

Party Fouls & Party Fails

The other day I was out with some hilarious friends; way funnier than me, and they said some shit that killed me, which in turn inspired this post.  Therefore, I take no credit for what I'm about to share with you.

"I have it all; no seriously, I do."

Allow me to try and develop these characters for you:

Picture a group of buddies, late twenties, functioning in the adult world, normal jobs, copywriting phrases (literally), yet they still get housed every weekend like it's college. We call this living the dream.

On top of their awesomeness, they are remarkably hilarious, just coming out of the woodwork with novel quips about any arbitrary topic you toss their way.  Banter with them is almost intimidating, even by my standards.

"Just 3 straight drunk dudes having some late night drinks; nothing gay going on here."

So we were at a little concert/beer festival having a grand old time and they started telling me a story about this friend of theirs that came back to their place after a night of drinking pretty shitfaced.

Eventually, after a few nightcaps, everyone passed out respectively, and when they awoke in the morning they found their friend lying on the couch with his shirt and NO pants on.

Did you really think I was going to put a picture of pantless man on here? Use your imagination for Christ Sake. (Actually I would if I could find one, I couldn't. I failed you.)

Picture that for a minute.  Aside from being completely disgusting, (Flaccid penis just rubbing up on your furniture and all in your face), it is also startling, and confusing.  Like, how did that combo happen?  I assume some sort of bathroom debacle, but I either didn't get the deets or forgot (I'm sorry, maybe I'll find out and add a post script, because now I'm curious all over again).

Where did the PANTS GO? What happened to God Damn PANTS???
After seeing their friend like this, they coined a term that so accurately portrays what they saw that when I heard it I almost broke a rib, and have repeated it in every possible semi-related conversation I can work it into since.

"Donald Duckin it"

This is without a doubt, the most offensive non-clothing/clothing combination one can do; especially as a dude.  Just absolutely 0.0 things flattering about it, no matter the body type.  Even as a female, that combo isn't really working, something inherently gratuitous and awkward about a bare crotch and a covered torso.

So if you're one of those guys who bangs his girlfriend, but is a little overweight, and takes off his pants, but leaves his shirt on (you know you do this guys); you're DONALD DUCKIN' IT, and it needs to stop, or it needs to catch on like wildfire so I can hear more Donald Duckin' it Tales.


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