|"Hi, I'm being a nice, normal person friend and checking in on you."|
I am having a shitty
One of my good guy friends could tell I was in a funk so he called me to see how I was doing.
The whole conversation (although well intended on his part) felt a bit obligatory because A) I'm not a phone person and B) I wasn't in the mood to discuss anything unfortunate going on with me. Because we don't talk much, and he had taken the time to reach out, I felt like blowing him off wouldn't be the right thing to do, so I forced myself to talk.
|"Thanks for calling. I'm going to reward your kindness with horrifying, undeserved judgement because I'm nuts."|
Sometimes venting can be energizing, and other times discussing things that are wrong does the opposite; it drains us. In this case, it was the latter. I filled him in on my recent trials and tribulations, and he was very kind, and nice, and complimentary of me, which all almost felt too perfect. I thought to myself, enough, "I'm great, I'm fantastic, blah, blah, blah", thank you, except I'm not, I'm wildly imperfect, and right now I'm stressed, and melancholy, and ready to go to bed for at least the next week and a half.
|"I am not a good friend and person, you asshole, how dare you!"|
I asked him to change the subject and talk about himself, so he did. We discussed the normal things, what he's been up to, his job, and one other thing. He has been with a girl for a little over a year now, and it seemed like an appropriate thing to discuss, so I asked how it was going. I think in that moment I needed to feel some reciprocal sense of chaos, to feel like my life isn't the only one that feels out of control, confusing, or difficult at times. It was probably unfair of me to expect to solicit a specific response, but in my head that's what I wanted. I wanted to hear, "You're not the only one going through shit, you're not the only one who doesn't have all the answers, I'm fucked up sometimes too", but that's not what I got. I got, "Things are really great!"
I sensed myself having this ugly reaction inside, that I can't quite explain. Okay, I can explain it, but I'm not sure I can defend it. It's not as though I wanted to hear that he was unhappy, he's my friend for Christ Sake, but it didn't feel realistic. They have been together for about a year, they just moved in together a few months ago; I mean we're friends give me the dirt! I didn't want him to say it was crashing and burning, but I wanted to hear something that felt more human than, "things are awesome, she's the best."
So I pressed. I said "Come on, you guys have been dating for a year. You must have some fears, or doubts, or little arguments. I know I do, and they suck, but they usually result in something productive, or help us understand one another." His response was, "No, not really. One time we got in a fight because she was dieting and it made her moody because she was hungry. We definitely learned something about dieting. Hahaha." I felt my blood starting to boil.
"Boy, she sure was moody that day! Now I make sure I have snacks on hand so we never have to bicker again!"
(Cue WORSE idea: Comparing your relationship
|"You're happy, we get it."|
|"Oh really John Smith? Well guess what I'm in a relationship with? This carton of ice cream & box of wine, AND IT IS SERIOUS!!"|
*Almost nobody, there is always that one person on facebook who uncomfortably airs and exaggerates every conceivable drama in their lives for public consumption.
|"We're fun, fashionable, and constantly having a blast! PS, we don't care what anyone thinks, that's why we took, edited, and posted this picture for you to see."|
|"Rainbows, puppies, and best friends forever!"|